EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED THERAPY
Are You Struggling To Handle Big Feelings And Communication Challenges?
Are you or your partner struggling with communication issues that lead to unresolved conflicts? Do you find that intense emotions or big feelings often get in the way of effectively discussing and resolving problems? Are you experiencing frequent arguments or avoidance in your relationship due to emotional blocks?
Perhaps you were taught to keep a lid on your emotions, which makes it difficult to address and resolve relational issues. Or maybe you and your partner are having trouble managing and controlling your emotions, leading to communication breakdowns. Recently, your emotional responses have impacted your ability to connect and communicate meaningfully.
Deep down, you truly desire to understand your emotions, connect meaningfully with those around you, and repair your relationship.
What Is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
One key principle I emphasize in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is that "the issue is not the issue." What we focus on in our sessions is how your emotions deeply influence your perception of the problem at hand—whether it's conflicts over household chores, financial disagreements, parenting issues, intimacy, or general communication breakdowns. EFT explores how these situations trigger underlying emotions. We then examine the narrative you create around these emotions. Often, these narratives can be misleading, guiding you toward self-protection rather than genuine connection. By addressing and understanding these emotional stories, we can shift from defensive responses to more meaningful communication.
The Wonderful Benefits Of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
I'm a straightforward, no-BS kind of therapist. Unlike traditional couples therapy, which often focuses on problem identification and justification, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) takes a different approach. While understanding your history and context is important, my primary focus is on exploring the underlying emotional issues at hand.
EFT’s benefits are increased self-awareness, improved communication, and a deeper emotional connection. EFT’s strength lies in its ability to transform emotional blocks into opportunities for growth and understanding, which can lead to lasting improvements in relationships and personal well-being.
Instead of dwelling on what happened and why, we examine how your feelings impact your communication and connection. My goal is to help you move from conflict to understanding and foster deeper connections rather than simply rehashing the past.
Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) — The Balance Counseling And Wellness Approach
In Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), my initial focus is on increasing self-awareness—understanding your feelings about the situation beyond just the surface details. We then shift to enhancing other awareness, where you gain insight into how your partner, family member, or colleague feels about the issue. The ultimate goal is to repair and maintain connection rather than merely being "right."
The approach is client-centered, allowing you to guide the pace of the therapy while I provide guidance. This contrasts with traditional couples therapy, which often rehashes conflicts like arguments or infidelity. Instead, we focus on understanding and addressing emotional narratives that influence behavior. This process is not about labeling individuals as broken or flawed but about learning how emotions drive our narratives and exploring alternative, healthier ways of connecting.
I frequently discuss two key concepts with clients: secure versus insecure attachment and TEMPO. Secure attachment, the goal in adult relationships, mirrors the ideal early caregiver bonds. Insecure attachments, often resulting from past ruptures, can manifest as anxious or avoidant behaviors in adulthood. Rather than eliminating these tendencies, we focus on understanding how insecurities contribute to disconnection and work towards fostering secure, thriving connections. TEMPO—Trigger, Emotion, Meaning, Protection, Outcome—helps guide this process.
Sessions typically last about an hour, with noticeable improvements often beginning after 4-6 sessions of intentional and consistent practice. I also use metaphorical language and visual analogies to help clients conceptualize their issues. For example, teaching couples to view each other as allies rather than enemies helps to dismantle defensive barriers and promote a more supportive relationship dynamic.
Inspiration Behind My Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) Skillset
I have always been interested in child development and attachment theory. I was hooked when I learned more about how Dr. Sue Johnson took Bowlby's theory and applied early childhood attachment theory to how we develop and maintain healthy relationships across the lifespan. In a way, even adults are still just big kids wanting to be seen, heard, understood, validated, and authentically, securely connected to others.
When I received further training in EFT, I realized that delving beyond surface-level issues to explore deeper core emotions provided clients with a foundation they could build upon. This approach is versatile, offering valuable insights and tools for addressing a wide range of issues, whether they arise in familial, professional, parental, or intimate relationships.
As Humans, We Are Hardwired For Meaningful Connection— Emotion Focused Therapy Can Heal Your Connection
Emotionally focused therapy is a powerful therapeutic approach that can help repair communication challenges and emotional blocks hindering healthy relationships. At Balance Counseling and Wellness, I can help you and your loved ones navigate these challenges, heal emotional wounds, and strengthen your bonds.
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